Gaslighting within relationships

Gaslighting within interpersonal relationships

With gaslighting within romantic relationships, the victimizer (abuser) has to be right in order to preserve their own sense of having power in their world.

The victim usually idolises the abuser and often seeks validation and approval from them in any thing or any task they do. But this is exactly what the perpetrator wants. They want to be able to tell the victim what they are doing is right or wrong in order to mold them into the person they want them to be. And they do so through gaslighting techniques.

Tactics the abuser will use include; questioning victims memory, questioning victims perception and also questioning victim sanity. They may bring up personal mannerisms and link them as to why they believe the victim is "insane" or wrong. They manipulate their victims by telling them they acted badly, more so when they had reduced memory when they have been celebrating and or drinking. 

It is important to note that this can also occur with prescribed medication. The symptoms of some prescription medication make you feel drowsy and this can be used by the perpetrator to get inside your head and make you question again; your memory, perception and sanity.

An abuser that gaslights may invalidate their partner's feelings or experiences using dismissive language such as: you're crazy, you're just sensitive, don't be paranoid, I was just joking, I'm worried I think you're not well. It is important to be aware of dismissive language and when it is being used against you.

Joe Rogers and Diane follingstad state these dismissals can be detrimental to mental health.

Psychological abuse causes a range of aversive behaviours intended to harm an individual. This includes: coercion, control, verbal abuse, monitoring, isolation, threatening behaviour, hostile environment and emotional withholding. Remember to be a victim of gaslighting you do not have to experience every single one of these, you may only experience one very intensely or all - it is still abuse.

Signs of gaslighting within an interpersonal relationship

the signs of gaslighting within a relationship include; 
withholding of information from the victim such as getting loans or credit cards without having a mutual conversation or getting into trouble with the police without letting your partner know.

Providing and making information to fit the abusers perspective. This could include lying about why previous relationships have ended, been fired from Employment and not disclosing or disclosing a story they want the partner to here.

 Discounting information - whenever their partner tells them anything that happened the abuser will inform their partner that they are lying, bending the truth or exaggerating. verbal abuse also in the form of jokes 

Blocking or diverting attention from outside sources: not informing their partner they received an important phone call or appointment, hiding mail, deleting emails and cancelling plans without their partners consent.

 Minimising victim worth: possibly through name-calling or demeaning behaviour and actions. 

Undermining their partner by weakening their thought processes.

Abusers Gaslight by hiding objects, causing the victim to doubt the situation and blame themselves. They change the victim either in how they dress act or both. They try to mold the victim to their fantasy - the victim feels not good enough, worthless, confused, despair. The abuser requires full control and power over the victim and so will seclude them from friends and family. Only the abuser can influence the victims thinking or how the act.

One subtle tactic the abuser will use is alternating between ignoring and attending to the victim. This causes the victim to lower expectations of what affection to expect and perceive themselves as less worthy of affection.

This concludes my gaslighting topic for today. I hope you learn something, if any of this has affected you negatively please reach out to one of the admins. 

thank you very much for reading what I have found out today. 


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