Self Sabotage is unintentional and subtle and thus can be difficult to realise as it presents in various areas of life from relationship to work and our personal lives.
Self Sabotage becomes apparent in relationships, not to intentionally hurt another, rather than self-sabotage being a default survival pattern that you have adopted. The reactions we have are due to conditioned survival responses which are commonly disproportionate to the situation. Within relationships involving one or more individual with a trauma related issue, we often find each triggering the other to feel activated causing projection of emotions and guilt.
Is trauma, it can be like multiple personalities fighting for dominance at times. Self Sabotage is when you have certain intention or things to do but are unable to start, stop halfway, lose interest or freeze in the process. This is either a conscious or subconscious thought which can also result in physical reactions further preventing you from completing your intentions.
Self Sabotage is seen usually when there is conflicting interests within yourself, some of which may be buried deep within your inner child. When you hold two states of mind, it results in a mixed message being sent out. Self Sabotage doesn't only happen in relationships however and can be found with behaviours such as substance abuse and eating disorders. It is usually seen in individuals with low self-worth who also fear failure/success or require control to feel settled.
Things that you may be yourself sabotaging include procrastination, focusing on what isn't working, quitting close to a goal or setting unrealistic goals, using excuses that you know aren't entirely true, masking emotions, starting arguments by demanding how people act or that something insignificant gets done.
It is also common with self Sabotage to feel fake and undeserving or not worthy of success, using comparisons as excuses and not keeping to our boundaries.
Self Sabotage is described as an addiction as it involves actions that bring relief from the pressure of success however, detrimental to our functioning.
As with many other struggles, motivation can be a great challenge and at times be missing. Self Sabotage becomes a habit that can be changed through being mindful and aware of how it manifests. What can somehow seem a realistic goal can become a way to repeatedly harm our selves as we become obsessed with the process and lose track of who we are along the way.
Later, I will share my own personal experience with self-sabotage and invite others to let me know if they are aware of any self sabotaging behaviours or coping they have used.
With regards to the roots of self-sabotage and trauma, I will share from Sharmi, a trauma specialist who bases her practices in a trauma informed way. I would also like to thank her for helping me finish this article today!
I apologise to members regarding my grammar on this post as I use speak to write - since I cannot use my hands very well. I haven't fully checked it for errors, but I have to put this up at the moment so I can spend time with my teething demon child.